No strength and Afraid

Strength is a big word, a word hard for most of us to ever achieve in life. For me I always have been the follower, the yes ma'am girl, the what do you think girl, the I will have what they are having person.  I was raised raised to listen to my parents, respect my elders and not to question authority. 

As I said before many things have happen in my short life to question my faith, my reason for being here. I lost track of myself God, and my marriage. When my grandmothers died within 6 months of each other my world crashed to the ground. I pushed everyone away, my husband, that stood beside me, held me when I cried, and never strayed from me. My parents who where hurting as well, and my brother who was going through all this and trying to start a new marriage with a wife and a young son, All these people needed me and I checked out on them all. Above all that I closed God out the one that is always there. I have no strength to get through this at all. 
I had no strength and I was afraid. I wanted to crawl in a hole and give up on the world, give up on everyone. I had found that the people that I hung with that I thought were my friends were not my friends at all, they were stabbed me in my back and used me. I fell in a rut of negativity, I was mean, hateful and wanting nothing to with GOD. THIS WAS NOT ME!

One day I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw this verse posted by a dear friend that I had lost contact with,
    
 " Be Strong and let your heart be Courageous, all you who put              hope in the Lord." - Psalms 31:24

This verse spoke to me, actually it yelled, screamed, and hit me between the eyes. I needed to find the strength in the Lord again to stand on my own two feet, I needed to learn how to talk in his path again. Pull myself out of the hole and away from the horrible people that I thought where the only ones that loved me and find my way back to the ones that loved me and never left me in the first place. 

Since that day I am a new person, I walk with my head held high, I know that I have a brighter future, my relationship with God has never been stronger. My relationship with the family that I once pushed away has gotten so much better. My husband now attends church with me, we are going to expand our family through adoption and I started this blog. At times I am not sure what I am doing but I know that if I can reach just one person then I know that my story is getting out there. 

Remember stand up to those negative people in your life, tell them no more and live your life for you not anyone else.